whats new with us... / Joanne Cottam (mom)
Hi hon, I have been trying to get to this website for months. Its coming up on 5 years here pretty soon and the people are starting to show up in hunting gear, Dr. says I have PTSD. Its really tough, I cry all the time. You have a lot of family up there since you died. Grandma Judy, Great Grandma, Aunt Janet, Cousin Ethel,Uncle Paul. I know there are more, drawing a blank.
I want you to watch over Kaitlyn when she is in Greece and Dad when he is in Alberta. I am so scared. Life hasn't changed much. Other then the truth is your friends desert you after a while. Either they are afraid to talk about you or don't know what to say to me, but is sure hurts. Both Kaiti and Scott are in High school and Darrin is going to graduate college in January. He has a great job lined up. You would be so proud of everyone.
I miss your phone calls. I miss talking to you late at night, we were night owls. I just can not believe its been almost 5 years. I can't say things have gotten better, I still think of you like every minute. Cheyenne is such a nice dog, she is still so cute like a puppy, soft fur, does a lot of tricks. She looks out the window alot, I think she is trying to find you.
I love you so much, and I think about you every minute of every day. My beautiful blue eyed boy. xoxo love MOM Close
Happy 22nd Birthday in Heaven My very missed SON.. / Your Family Missesyou (family)Read >>
Happy 22nd Birthday in Heaven My very missed SON.. / Your Family Missesyou (family)
Hi Ty...... Today has been a tough day although I tried my best to make is special for the kids its still really hard to keep a smile on my face. So much loss lately Ty it didn't stop with you...we lost grandma and great grandma and a few of your friends and Aunt Janet. I know there are others....it can wear on your heart. My biggest hole is you and my sister. I hope you are all with each other.
My heart aches for you everyday. Has it gotten easier? Do I laugh more Yes I laugh easier...I think harder and scarier. We lost your memorial page on facebook. I will never see those video's again or all those pictures. Hear your voice. I hate how long its been since I last hugged you. I stare at the box that holds your ashes and I wish I had buried you rather then cremation. Your gone forever. I hate every single moment your not here. I hate how our lives will never be the same I will never see your children or be at your wedding or your graduation I got to miss all of those things because of a STUPID mistake a few of your friends made. They do not contact us none of your friends that were with you that day....other friends like the girls and such. Even Rachel is distant. moved on. or trying to make a good life for herself. She met a really nice guy. I know you would like him. I feel it in my heart. I wish I could move on I feel stuck in the same place. I am scared Ty...scared I will loose another person close to me.....I can't handle anymore funerals....
Kaitlyn decorated your cake. She did a great job Her and Darrin did some bonding today which is so important Darrin spent some time with Scott too.
Have you seen the new puppy? He is such a good natured big guy. Aycierr your sister named him after a computer..lol He is husky/border collie just like your dog Cheyenne who is a good girl she is our granddog.....Baillee is still with us but getting old and hurting some. I love you Ty...so much... I am trying everyday. miss you terribly...love you forever and a day...love your family... Mom Dad Darrin Kaitlyn Scott Bailee CheyenneAycierr. xoxo <3
Happy Birthday Tyler / Aunt Tracy
Happy Birthday Ty. I miss our phone calls to each other on our special day. I am so lucky to have you as one of my angels to answer my prayers and help me get through these last few months. I miss you. Happy Birthday. Love you. Close
almost 31 months.... / Joanne Cottam (His mom )Read >>
almost 31 months.... / Joanne Cottam (His mom )
I am having such a tough time Ty.....I just keep seeing you on that table in the ER the night we got that phone call. Nightmares never go away. I wish so bad that you were here with us. How is a mother suppose to live without one of her kids? I try Tyler I really really try to keep busy but as soon as I have time to myself I just start thinking about you and and thinking its been too long. I wish you were here. Your life was taken for no reason. It was not fair you left. In my heart I blame so many and many who think they aren't to blame. my life has changed so much I feel like I am so alone. I tell the kids when I am having a sad moment and they understand but I am the mom...I should be the one hugging them for their sad moments...I regret having your cremated. I hate that I don't have enough money yet to get you a headstone plate. So your friends can come and visit you. I hate that I was not there for you that morning to have gotten your call and gone and picked you up. The one time you needed me most I was not home. You should see cheyenne she is such a good dog she is with me all the time. I am glad I kept her. I am thankful you found her... Darrin graduated and so did Kaitlyn and we missed you sharing it! I wish I could have like 1 hour to just talk to you and hug you and just stare at you. I hate not having you in our lives anymore. Clint has your truck and its so nice to see it sometimes I think you are in it driving.... Kaitlyn has a boyfriend. I can hear you now... lol Death is so final Tyler....I want you back...I am making your special cake for my birthday this year. I love you so much and miss you more and more every day....please god help keep me strong through this...We are all sending you a great big hug and come and visit me in a good dream...xoxoxo <3 love your forever sad mom..... Close
We are all having a really tough time lately. I am sure you have been watching from above. My heart feels like it is dying all over again. I just can't seem to do anything without something reminding me of that unbelievable sad day....I feel so alone like I am the last one to grieve. Only because I don't see anyone else grieving for you. I am sure there are lots but I just want to scream.... I look at your picture I hold your coat I hold your ashes and ask GOD why did he have to take you? I needed you here we all did. Especially you brother Darrin Tyler you need to visit him in a dream or something. We are all having a hard time with Grandma being so sick and Aunti Tracy and Aunti Janet need your prayers TY... its just a huge mess...Your dad is hurt the worst by it all he didn't need this shit on top of loosing you.. I could trade you places...you need to be here hon... My heart has this big big sad hole in it... some of the comments people have made I just think they have not had their child ripped from their lives. I will never be the person I use to be. I am gone in that sense.
Tomorrow is Scotts birthday...he misses you so much a so does Kaitlyn we just need you here. You would of been 21 this year...3rd year of college...You had so much to live for...
Do you see that Clint has your Truck running and painted. Its nice to see it...Kaitlyn wanted it. She worshiped the ground you walked on... anyhow... I am going to get some sleep..have a birthday cake to bake for scott.. I picked him up something from you like I do for all the kids...I know you would of wanted it that way... I love you so much and miss you even more...xoxox mom
2 yrs gone from us now......it is not any easier.. / Joanne Cottam (Sad mom )Read >>
2 yrs gone from us now......it is not any easier.. / Joanne Cottam (Sad mom )
its been really hard lately. Your sister is taking your death super hard and has many days with nothin but tears. Even Darrin is quiet and I know he misses his big brother more then anything. On the 5th Scott played all your favorite video games you would play with him under your name files....Dad was quiet most of the day filled with lots of hugs for everyone He choked up . He misses you so much Ty....you just do not have any idea. Its so hard to think we got you to 18 only for someone else to take your life. Makes me SICK to my STOMACH....You were so much fun when you were little. Certainly kept me on my toes that is forsure. Please watch over us Ty.....and come and visit me in my dreams. I need to see you again... I love you forever and ever my first son....I miss your hugs your smile your laugh and how you were always on the go. love you..mom and family. xoxox
I miss you sweetie.....I miss your phone calls / Joanne Cottam (His mom )Read >>
I miss you sweetie.....I miss your phone calls / Joanne Cottam (His mom )
Hey I am typing in your favorite font! God I miss you not a day goes by the you don't just sit on my mind. The tears fall real often lately I think because its Hunting season. Hey I found a partridge feather from when you went the last time. Thank you for taking your brothers and sister at least once. They all looked up to you. We still do I wish I would of spoke with you Dec 5th. I wish I would of been home for your call. I wish so many things Ty. Like the night you wanted to come home and stay and your dad told you next weekend...and next weekend never came for you...it did for us but with super broken hearts. Remember you called me like 5 times that Sat before you died and just chatted until someone beeped in on you.... I am so glad I was able to give you a computer a laptop for school. I know how proud you were....I am still paying on it. In fact we JUST hooked it up to the internet you dad did... We are finally cleaning the garage so many memories with your truck staring at us I look at it and I can picture how you would of fixed it up. I put a monkey in there in the passenger seat Scott said you always slept on it as a pillow on his bed. Clint bought it Ty he is fixing it up. I wish I could of fixed it up. I would of kept it for myself given up my truck can you believe that?? I would of lived it out for you...but your friends will do that and probably have more fun then I would of attempted. I hope you know honey I was there holding you even though I wasn't when I got that phone call I knew and I hope you know I was there. I got there as fast as I could. You were still warm and your hair was so soft... God I loved having you as a son...I hate that your life was cut short I hate every min. of it... I love you my sweet son.... I know you knew it I know in my heart. ILY and IMY love MOMxxoo Close
Happy Birthday / Aunt Tracy
Today is our special day. I have been thinking about you today wishing I could call you. Hoping your mom dad and the kids are having fun celebrating for you today at your memorial. We wish we could have been there. Happy Birthday Ty. xoxo Close
was saying goodbye to you...in the ER. I will never forget that chill I got when I walked into that quiet hospital. Cops everywhere outsideit did not sink in. Then the news...and then seeing you and dad's words "God he is gone" I just sat there and thought this is all a bad dream he is going to wake up. Until I saw his eye color. I knew he was gone. a little hole under his arm with fatal damage inside. Why him God? Why did you take him? He was going to make a difference in this world! He loved life. He loved to give and to make you smile. I see all this sadness in the eyes of your brothers and sister and your dad and so many more.
Cheyenne is just like you Ty...she is so high strung yet can be so gentle. She loves COOKIES...I wonder who else loves cookies??!!
Clint bought your truck and got it running. Its VERY LOUD but it is music to my ears. I hope to drive it some day. Just once. I know your there. I see your handprint on the one door. Last time it was running was the last time you were here....
Today we sent you a helium balloon shapped like a Monkey holding a heart that says I love you. we all signed it except for Darrin he was working. even dad signed it. We all miss you so much. its 20 long months....20 someday it will be 40 and 80 and 100 months....I wish we could reverse it.
I hope no one else looses a child like this..... my heart hurts all the time. So broken Ty... I am trying to live for everyone. But it hurts its hurts so bad that your gone...
Tinker had surgery today and he is doing good. Thank you for watching over him. Continue to do that Ty...
We all miss you....and love you...I love you so so much sweetheart! I miss your smile your voice your hugs your crazy ideas and just being silly with you and laughing our butts off...I could sure use a HUG from you... ILY ty....forever MOM xxxooo
I am sitting here crying and missing you so much... some of Darrins friends came this morning with snowmobiles and the sound of the boys chatting and the sound of the machins. just made me sad....sad for you, because you don't get to have "that kind of fun any more" Life is just NOT FAIR!! I just don't want to do anything, I am not intersted in having fun anymore.... I feel guilty cause you can't have fun anymore....I feel so hopeless, like there is nothing I can do to bring you back.
I hate that fact that you grandma said "I don't want any grandson of mine being eaten by bugs...so I basically had no choice but to creamate you.....That really bothers me. Its like you never exsited. I would rather buried you. I struggle with this every day. I didn't like it when my mom and dad were cremated and I was not in my right thinking mind when everyone decided for you to be cremated. Its like you will never come back. I know your gone but I can only hope for a miriacle that you some day come back.
I see all your friends off to school and engaged and some having babies.. and I just think of you and what you wanted in life and that just got taken away. Know honey, I know you would of been a great dad, husband and teacher. I know this in my heart. I just don't understand why GOD let this happen to you. Why that bullet didn't miss you and go through the windown instead. You were not ready to go, your life was just beginning....My heart is so broken Ty....I just miss you soo much! No one was like you....You are forever in my heart ....I love you so much Ty...and miss you more and more every day.....(((HUGS))) love you MOM xxoo
Its Carnival weekend, I know how much you LOVED this weekend, with your can on your snowmobile, hanging out with all your friends. Remember when Darrin got yelled at for riding the BEAST (your old snowmobile), dad sold it for 100.00 this year. Kaitlyn and Scott were not happy. Kaitlyn wants to drive your polaris so bad. She is still too young.
Well Eric got his sentence. I personally didin't think it was enough. But I know you would of thought differently. Its just not enough for me Ty. I mean you are gone forever. He got a slap on the wrist basically. The impact statements were powerful and brought tears to those that normally are suppose to be keep composed. It was a sad sad court and a long one. Hard to see Eric. He never said one word to us. Neither did his family. I think that hurts alot. I mean not even a I am sorry. nothing..... I did hug him, but in Hardies...it hit me and I said outloud " I just hugged the kid that killed my son" A few heads turned. Scott was emotional...we all were....Rachel stayed with us all day...she missed you so much Ty...
I think about you all the time, I find myself just sitting and staring and remembering all our memories. We all miss you. Darrin misses you. The family is not the same. We try and there is this big hole.
Come see me in a dream, I miss you, I need to see you. I am having some health issues...please Ty watch over me...and watch over Aunt janet. She is sick too..and your Aunt Tracy.....I love you sweetheart and miss you more then you will ever know...
xxxxxoooooo we all send our love to you.... ILY TY....MOM
Thank you for taking care of us. / Aunt Tracy And Baby Ryan Read >>
Thank you for taking care of us. / Aunt Tracy And Baby Ryan
Tyler, our guradian angel. Thank you so much for looking over us and the safe arrival of Ryan. I wish so much you were here to meet him. He is so beautiful and has your cute button nose. He is so strong, just like you.
You would be so proud, Uncle Keith already has him wearing a Leafs cover for his car seat!
We miss you so much Tyler. Keep watching over all of us sweetheart. You will always be in our hearts and prayers.
New Years eve..... / Your Mom Missing You So Much (Mom)Read >>
New Years eve..... / Your Mom Missing You So Much (Mom)
I am missing you so bad these last 2 days. Going into another year without you again. I can't stop crying. My heart is so broken. I have been reading some stories of other children your age that have died and their sad mothers hearts... I cry when I read them because I know they feel how I feel the same. The first year your in shock the 2nd year is the you feel all the pain. I lost grandma and pop pop over 10 years ago and think of them once in a while. Your in my mind when I wake up, all day and at night and I wish you would come to me in a dream. I wish that every night and you never do. Either your really busy or you just missing everyone, trying to do 10 things at once like you always did. I wish I would of spent more time with you, I have so many regrets. I would give anything to have you here one more day. I love you so much Ty....I miss you ever more.....Happy New Years to you...((((hug))) a new year for me is Sad with out you. I love you so much sweetie, we all do and we all think of you all the time...xxxooo Mom....
2nd year your not getting Christmas tree with us.. / Joanne Cottam (His mom.... )Read >>
2nd year your not getting Christmas tree with us.. / Joanne Cottam (His mom.... )
Hi my beautiful and very missed Angel...with the crooked halo... Remember a few winters ago when they were short on people to play in the church script. And you and don Dressed up as sheppards, I think you were any angel and you halo kept going crooked. and you did this and smiled, having a good time. Sang even though you didn't know many of the words...
Today is the day we cut out tree down, This is the 2nd year you are not with us, its just not the same. You were the one to jump out and run down and shake the tree to see if it was perfect. Snow all over you. You did this since you were like 5 years old, sometimes the snow was so deep you were stuck.. but we always rescued you...and then Darrin had to to do it, always following his big brothers actions.
I Miss today....I have been really good... I seen the Dr yesterday and things are starting to get better. I know you are watching over us real good. So many blessings have come our way. You always did watch over us even when you were here... My Christmas Wish is to have you in my dream so I can see you again...even if only for 2 mins I want to see you....I included you in all my cards this year, I don't want anyone to ever forget you...I wish I had a pin that had your picture in it that I could wear. I can't find one. I still carry your ashes with me everywhere my son..... I am trying so hard to get into the spirit for the kids, and letting them do more for me. I look at Darrin and See you in him. its so hard, because its like I try to pull you out of him. He has a really good heart...and he is missing you. How sad that he lost his best friend and brother. He is dating Halle again...I know you really liked her...we do too...
Your dad is missing you....a lot is going on and for the good for him, but please keep you eye out for him...talk to him TY....Christmas is hard for him, with out you... Did you see the Christmas concert...see how beautiful you sister is...she is growing so much. and Scott, he is so much like you. in personality and just life.
Oh Ty...I cry this morning...a lot of tears sweetheart. My heart is missing you so much...I love you so much...I couldn't really affort it, but I got the kids each something comical from you....I love you sweetheart and I miss you every single moment in every day....YOu made me a mom.....best gift ever!!! I see you in the new baby Ryan, you and him were almost the exact birth weight and you both came early....maybe there is a little of you in him...I will feel that the first time I hold him....you work in miracles Tyler.... My beautiful angel....I love you...xxoo mom
Almost a year Ty.......not getting any easier..... / Mom Missing You (his mom )Read >>
Almost a year Ty.......not getting any easier..... / Mom Missing You (his mom )
I sit here tonight, its 8pm and Darrin and Halle and Kaitlyn and Grandma and Grandpa went to the school musical. I remember you went every night of the musicals to see Rachel. I was thinking you brought her flowers last year this time. Oh how I miss you... I talked to Rachel yesterday, her family misses you so much...her mom is having a hard time Ty, and her dad, everyone, you meant so much to so many....a few had to come back from college since you died missing you and not being able to concentrate. A few are following their dreams and suggestions you gave them. I am trying to move on with life, but everything I see reminds me of you whether its good or bad. Your everywhere. I lay at night 2am to 4am sometimes just talking to you and remembering you until I am so tired I fall asleep with your ashes in my hands...in your little urn.
I don't know Ty...some of your friends just seem to have just let go, or make comments that I just can't believe they are saying it. You were so full of life and smiles and I know I frustated you, I am sorry for that. I never, not even once ever thought of you any other then My son..my son who made me a MOM something I always wanted. I remember after all those labor pain for 4 days and when I held you for the first time, we just stared at each other, really bonded. I had waited so long and finally got you... Your dad is having a hard time ty.....he just doesn't know what to do with himself. He is so withdrawn from everything. I know he sheds tears often. And Darrin what an awful age to loose your brother...my heart breaks for him and Kaitlyn and Scott they all had the greatest big brother....You are never far from our minds, We think of you so much. Wish you were here!!!
You didn't deserve this...not you....I hope you know I was with you that night....me, i got the phone call and I got us all moving to get there as soon as we could..but it was too late hon...you had left the world already...my worst nightmare coming true....its been super hard Ty...so hard...I love you and I think of you every single day all day... You were my Ty fly...I gave your Ty fly books to Nickolas and I read them to him all the time...He loves them...
Love to you honey.....come and visit me....I need to see you....missing you with a very broken heart.... Pop in and see Dad and help him to find work....its been so hard Ty.....love you bunches xxxxxooooo Cheyenne has a cut paw, so we are giving her extra love...she is just like you!! love mom
Its been a while since I wrote to you, I know my last write shook up a few people. It was from a sad heart. Its still sad, but I am okay today. One day at a time is all I can do Ty...sometimes 1 hour at a time.
I am excited we are finally putting your cross up. Its beautiful Ty, your grandpa made it and aunti Colleen and Uncle Ian had the plaque made for it. Just a small get together to put it up, place some of your ashes there and some bulbs which I am sure the deer will eat, but maybe not. Finally get to see for myself where you were last. It will be really hard. I find driving towards rainy river very hard for me. well driving anywhere is hard these days.
I am questioning god a lot, as to why he took you? Why did our family have to go through this. We have so much loss and this was the icing on the cake so to speak. I spoke with our new minister yesterday, you would like him Ty. He is a gentle sole. Jesse mae is here visiting, Kaitlyn is so excited. She is on her 2nd cast for her broken arm. She sure missed you when that happen, she said you would made her laugh, she really cried a long time for just the heck of it. I think it all hits us differently. Hasn't really his Scott yet, I am waiting. I am still have such a hard time with it, makes me physically ill. my health really took a tole on loosing you.
Wish you could of met little claire this summer, she would of melted your heart. Matt too. and then miss Sara with her serious look. Politian I think. Then little Ava and Nick, so much fun.
I think life is cruel for robbing you of it. you had so much to offer and so much to give and you should be here. We need you Ty...you were the center of the family. I hate every F***ing minute your gone. Why? anyhow... I just want you to know I love you so much and miss you more and more every single day. I hope you can set a few straight...you didn't deserve to die. People need to THINK before the DO.....I miss you...xxoo we all do....love you so much...mom (((((big angel hug))))))
Thinking of you tonight...listening to the rain... / Joanne Aka Mom Loves You..4ever (his mother )Read >>
Thinking of you tonight...listening to the rain... / Joanne Aka Mom Loves You..4ever (his mother )
Just sitting here at 2:30am listening to the rain and missing you. You were such a good person. So "on the go" at times but that made you, You...!!
This time last year we were with you...I wish you were still here in person not spirit. I have lost a lot of me, when you died. I know we as a family will never be the same. Seems like so many have just forgotten you. Less and less visits. Life goes on for some. Not others. Some relieve what we relieve everyday. I see you in Darrin more and more...sometimes it freaks me out a little, its like I try to see you more in him.
Ty...I really can't take much more sadness or stress...I am maxed out, I miss you so much. I miss talking to you on the phone. I miss your smile and your eyes when you talked, light up. I miss school shopping for you. I miss how you spent time with your brothers and sister and your dad and grandparents and other family members. Family was so important to you. I feel like I failed you...I wasn't there to hold you when you took your last breath.. I brought you into this world. I should of been there at least.....I am so sorry honey.... I was praying so hard that night. God give me more time...just give me more time....If you were closer to a bigger hospital, you could of been maybe still here. I wish I was home that day, to take your call... I regret so much Ty....I wish we could of spent more time together, everyone was always in a hurry always trying to fill the day up as much as they could. If we could of just slowed down and had more memories..... No one knows the pain of loosing a child, unless they have lost one. There is NO greater pain.....My one wish would be for you to be here again with us all forever....you will always be in my heart and in my soul....
I love you hon and miss you every single day more and more....xxxxoooo love you MOM
hey bud... wow 9 months today... i can't beleive it . it seems like jsut yesterday we were all hanging out in nestor talking about stupid stuff you guys have done and our future "plans" haha ... well i guess that was a long ways from yesterday bud... its still so hard to believe it. somtimes i close my eyes and jsut wish it all away.. wish that i could wake up and it would all just be a bad dream and that when io opened them .. you'd be there agian. its so hard and so emotional without you here.. we all keep thinking of the might of beens and the maybes ... and it makes it hard to get by ... we know you don't want us to hurt or cry but its hard not to somtimes. i wish i could go back to last summer... this summer was horrible compared to last summer :) ... somtiems it feels like just yesterday, but when you get caught up in "today" it seems like such a long time ago. you made everybody last summer the summer to remember... all your random stop ins or ideas haha it was priceless :) .... there isnt a second that goes by that i dont wish i could go back ... or that im not t hinking about all the memories... we miss you more than anything and we lvoe you so much.
so college now buddy :) i think it will be scary but fun i guess i have met a few people ... im sure you've seen already :) .. you s hould be here... you would have been th emost hilarious teacher and fun ... ... well there is so much to talk about , but im kind of in the middle of the college.. should probably go get some of my books and w.e.
i love you and i miss you ... tyler does to. take care bud <3
<3 Ashley Ann Marie
*the only thing that gives me hope, is i know, i'll see you again someday*